Awesome Patents
I've been submitting some patents lately. They're all locked-in, so I don't mind sharing the concepts here. You'd be mad to rip off any of these inventions. Hell hath no fury like my patent lawyer. In fact, I double-dare you.
1 - BoozeShoez. A handsome men's dress shoe like no other. Unbeknowst to the casual eye, a titanium alloy-strengthened heel contains a refrigerated cavity large enough to store a pint of any alcohol of your choosing. Dummy shoelaces feed into the heel and double as a straw.
2 - MainlineFone. Something for the gimzo geek. What looks like a techy wrist watch/phone-holder is actually something much, much more. The watch operates normally to avert suspicion, but the "phone" is actually an empty cavity which can be filled with five shots of any alcohol of your choosing. Set a "beer o'clock" alarm through the watch interface - or say, "Calling Dr. Brewski!" into the receiver - and the phone will thrust forward with tremendous force, its antenna pucturing your wrist and injecting the contents directly into your bloodstream. An app is available to communicate with online alcohol suppliers and automatically place orders for delivery as your stock runs low.
3 - DummyDunny. We have all sequestered ourselves in the smallest room in the house, secretly pounded a neckful of booze and hidden the bottle/can from our loved ones wherever we can. (Pro tip: unscrew the ventilation fan in the ceiling. You can jam a truckload of empties up there.) This dunny can is designed to store 48 cans of beer. Remove the top of the cistern, pour two slabs of ice cold tinnies down a funnel, the beer will be kept at room temp in a hidden cavity behind the traditional bowl. Jam a tube (sold seperately) through the bowl to the sweet, sweet nectar and enjoy! "What about the empties?" A can-crusher is also housed in the cistern, as well as a vat to fill with Drano and completely dissolve each can.
4 - Micro(Organism)BreweryImplant. A surgical implant. We take the oesophagus of a one year old, grain fed lamb, stuff it with a genetically engineered microorganisms specifically designed to continually cultivate barley, yeast and other key ingredients of our premium beer. As your body temperature rises, the beer brews, and expands, intoxicatingly forcing itself through the wall of the oesophagus and directly into your bloodstream.
Cheers!
